I have had a similar assignment when writing the personal statement for my common application tocolleges last year. It is similar to the current narrative that I am writing as it tells a story of growth andmaturity that has helped me shape who I am today. The piece reveals that there is always a positiveoutlook on life and even if you cannot see it at first. It is important to try and find it or else you mind willonly remember the negative thoughts of the past. They noticed that the introduction needed moredevelopment as they felt that the reader needs to know more about how I took life for granted comparedto the eye-opening experience towards the end. I wanted the reader to notice the change that I had beenthrough and how I grew as a person through that experience. My peers did see that, however they feltthat if the exposition dove more into how I was more negative and neglectful of the life around me, thenthen lesson learned at the end of my narrative would feel more rewarding. In order for my exposition tobe more impactful to my overall narrative, I included dialogue from the past as a way for the for thereader to sample parts of life that would highlight my hesitation to initiate important aspects of life suchas creating connections and leaving my comfort zone. I would also include an introductory paragraph thatwould give the reader a sense of how my mind registered the event they were about to reader and howthat affected in key areas that I found to be important to my development as a human.

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